Sunday, 22 October 2017

Women and The Fear of Settling Down

Men are not the only ones who are afraid of settling down, women are afraid of settling down too and for the same reasons as men. Contrary to popular opinion, women are not necessarily afraid of settling down because of some past hurt that was showered on them by some doggish-man. And the same goes for men. There are a lot of women who do not want to give up their single life and settle down with one man. Women hold on to their bachelorette-hood as tightly as men hold on to their bachelor-hood. Of course there are the men and women who happily step into marriage and domestic living with much gusto. OK, we ain’t talking about those. Happy for them though. There are women who love spending their money in any way they like without having to think of two people when they can be thinking about numero uno. These women don’t have to be partying, drinking, going wild and hooking up with the hot sexy guy from the bar. Even though that can be fun too. (So I’ve heard).:))

There are women who like their freedom and they are not in any hurry to run down the aisle in some flurry of a white dress with an annoying bouquet in their hands. That sounds so fairy tale princess. Just the thought of settling down will have some women breaking out in hives, getting an asthma attack and then shutting down. That is not to say that there aren’t some great men out there who would make fantastic husbands. Some women are just not interested in settling down with one person for the rest of their natural born lives.

Now while some of that fear could be coming from growing up around parents who were not loving to each other, some of that fear could be from just not wanting to give up being single. Maybe that woman have lived her life on her own terms and have gotten use to her life that she really doesn’t see the need to give up her single life when she has been wildly successful and happy living her own life. Now there is another reason. If that woman is a strong woman, there are men who are put off by strong women. They may feel intimidated by that woman and will seek a woman who is less intimidating. NEXT! That is what I say if a man feels intimidated by me and cannot step to me as a grown, mature man. Why would I want a man who cannot stand up to me, but folds or runs every time? Why would I want a man who wants his ego to be stroked just so he can feel like the man? Neither will I play the damsel in distress so that I come off more pleasing and submissive to a man.

There are so many women who have held down their household by themselves so they don’t have time to be the little woman in order to attract a man or to make a man feel good. A strong women needs a strong man who can stand beside her as her counterpart. This is not talking about a man who is physically strong, although having a man who is muscular enough to pick up a woman and carry her is very sexy and macho. If you like that sort of man like I do. Anyhoo, moving on. A woman doesn’t need a man who doesn’t know himself and is all about playing games nor does that woman need a man who folds when problems arise. It is for that reason why some women are afraid of settling down. Granted, that is why there is a getting to know each other period and if a man doesn’t measure up that woman will simply move on with her life.

There are men who can’t handle half of what some women went through so they are not able to measure up to such a woman. There are also men who just want women to be for them. So when women see those examples out there it is enough to drive the fear of settling down into her. She doesn’t want to become a man’s mother, wife, lover and doctor. A strong woman needs a strong man who can hold his own and who can stand beside her as a companion, a confidant and a rock of support. Such a woman has no problem treating that man like a King because he has already shown her that he will treat and regard her as the Queen she is.

A strong woman, a Queen, has no problem holding out for her King, a man who will show by his actions, not by his words, that he can stand beside her and be her complete other half. A strong woman doesn’t need a man to protect her. She can protect herself so she is not looking for her Sir Gallahad from Knights of the Round Table. Such a woman needs a man who is in her corner and on her team just as she will be for him. That is why it can be difficult for women to want to settle down. From what she has seen around her it can be hard to believe that such a man exists, but they do. There are so many relationships that are working out because both individuals held out for what they desired and they worked on becoming complete in themselves so that they will be attracted to their other half who is also complete in themselves. They then come together in a healthy, loving and spiritually growing relationship.

If as a woman you do not wish to settle down just because you love being single, then that is fine. Gone are the days when a single woman is seen as a pariah by the people of the village because she is not married and have no kids and gone are the days when a single woman was seen as vultures who will go after the married men of the village. Single women are holding it down for themselves and they are living the fabulous life. However, if you are afraid of settling down because you don’t believe that there are any mature men out there, then you are doing yourself a great disservice. If you really want to settle down, develop a marriage and then get married, start working on growing yourself into the kind of woman that you would marry. If you wouldn’t marry you why would you expect a man to want to marry you?

If you are not working on yourself, healing your past pains and growing yourself, then you will never be ready for a mature and healthy marriage. Because marriage is more than just being married. Any two people can get married, however, it takes two mature and grown individuals who are working on growing themselves to come together to have a marriage. A marriage is where you build deeper intimacy with each other. It is not where you arrive in order to grow yourself. You do that before you have a marriage. When you have a marriage, then comes getting married. Of course not everyone does it that way and some have managed to build a marriage through hard work, love and determination to stay together.

Women, when you start growing yourself into the woman you desire to be then you are becoming ready to welcome someone else into your life. You have made a conscious decision to start working on and growing yourself. Take the time to take stock of your life and see where you can begin to grow yourself more. You may never get over the fear of settling down, however if you really want to get married, the more you date and or remain open to a strong man who is also your equal to enter your life, that fear will slowly go away and a beautiful friendship, love and marriage will begin to materialize between two people who sincerely and truly loves each other.

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