The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
wow I was in a great mood but now im just mad at everyone who didn’t tell me fivel goes west is on netflix
— Julia Bush (@jabush) May 22, 2017
If ABC thinks I’m going to suddenly start watching “The Bachelorette” just to see men fighting over a black woman they are absolutely right.
— Ashley Calloway-B. (@ashleycalloway) May 23, 2017
Concept: me perhaps not becoming irritated by every fucking little thing
— Maria ? (@cakefacedcutie) May 22, 2017
ARE YOU EATING ENOUGH CHEESE? ILU
– me, just checking up on my friends
— Nicole Chung (@nicole_soojung) May 23, 2017
I don’t carry pepper spray, but I do carry a list of things that aren’t going well in my life that should earn me the pity of any assailants
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) May 23, 2017
Finally figured out how to induce panic attacks in women: get them high and put on the Handmaid’s Tale.
— alana hope levinson (@alanalevinson) May 23, 2017
hello, so nice to google you for the first time
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 21, 2017
Chopped shows you can make something out of anything so when I ran out of strawberry jam I melted some gummy bears and made a kitchen fire.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 23, 2017
*invited to a networking event*
Me: Fake my death go to Cuba that’s the only option
— Julie Horvath (@nrrrdcore) May 23, 2017
Passport stamps but for every state you have a panic attack in
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) May 24, 2017
I take work smoke breaks outside a yoga/barre studio called EXHALE bc I’m committed to irony
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) May 23, 2017
[gets out of bed]
[pours a tall, cold glass of Haterade]
[takes a generous swig]
AHHHHH GOOD MORNING WORLD! READY TO FACE THE DAY
— wikipedia brown (@eveewing) May 24, 2017
You can tell a lot about a girl by who looks better in the photos she posts for your birthday.
— maggie mull (@infinitesimull) May 23, 2017
I can either be on time for things or I can look good, you cannot expect both.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 24, 2017
Me: If you could only bring one thing with you to a desert island, what would it be?
7yo: Uh. Earth.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) May 24, 2017
RT if you’ve ever sung “Thank you for being my cat” to your pet to the tune of the Golden Girls theme song.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) May 25, 2017
TV Guy: “Here’s our subject in her natural environment, foraging for food.”
*Camera cuts to me on the couch, finding an almond in my bra*
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 23, 2017
“Never trust the children of real estate developers” is the primary lesson of both this administration and the Fyre Festival.
— emily nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) May 24, 2017